I haven’t been able to watch/listen to The Phantom of the Opera since June of 2010. That summer I had seen a production of it in Texas. During the performance I started getting anxiety about Will and my feelings for him. I had to leave my internship at The Methodist Hospital in Houston early because I was starting to wake up in the middle of the night, shaking, and hyperventilating from panic attacks. I’ve associated that feeling with the movie/music ever since. I always got scared that if I watched the movie or listened to the music I would start to feel that same way again.
Since none of that matters anymore… I need to watch that movie again soon. It was one of my favorites.
I don’t know why I am typing this but I just thought of it during office hours.
if i had a dime for everytime i sent a long, drawn out email confessing my feelings to a guy…
i’d have a couple of dimes.
the gameplan is to deactivate everything, put all of those fucking songs on a flashdrive to give to a friend to hide and get a partial lobotomy.
i’m sitting here bawling in the study lounge at 4:42 am and i just can’t fucking do this anymore.
- Me: Dat death cab.
- Lizzy: Dat avett.
- Me: Dat depressing muzak.
- Lizzy: Dem tearz.
- Me: Dat truth.
- Lizzy: Dat transatlanticism.
- Me: Dat d-list movie lyfe.
- Lizzy: Dat g-list movie lyfeeeee.
- Me: Dem shellz, dude.
- Lizzy: DEM SHELLZ.
- Me: DAT MILKSHAKE, THOUGH.
- Lizzy: DAT ICE KREAM DOE.
- Me: DAT O.F. STAMP. Dat tour.
- Lizzy: Hahah dat tour. Dat literally you are saying something and I am repeating it.
- Me: LOL dat originality.
my grades have significantly dropped this semester because my thoughts are constantly racing.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUDSOFIHAJKHFgwrgauwepif5y6evz
WHEN I GET THIS COMPLETELY RATIONAL URGE TO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THIS WHIMPY BITCH ASS RADIOHEAD FAN. JUST KILL HIM. GOD. YOU ONLY LIKE TWO BANDS. YOU’RE SO EXCLUSIVE. SO COOL. CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND? PLEASE?
you’re the fucking antichrist
carry the pictures of me and you.
i have no memory of who i once was,
and i don’t remember your name.” —the avett brothers
i went from extremely happy to extremely pissed within a matter of minutes.
Yeah, you guys are drinking. We get it.
and life and shit and i’m happy as fuck right now and
this summer i am volunteering at bonnaroo with natalie. i’m fucking doing it and we are going to camp and meet so many cool ass people and it’s going to be so dope. but before bonnaroo i get to go to the uk for twenty days with my family. i’ve never been outside of the country and it’s going to be so new. after bonnaroo, i am doing hike for humanity. i get to travel to africa or central america and hike/backpack to remote villages and set up medical clinics for two weeks. i’m gonna steal so many malnourished childrenz.
this summer is going to be so fucking cash its unbelievable.
then next year.
almarie, and ____ and i are getting the dopest townhome in raleigh. it’s so close to state and right next to lake raleigh. there are two patios, people. TWO PATIOS. one for hammocks and one for studies or parties or just general drinkings. and i’m getting a fucking bike. yeah, i’m getting a fucking se lager and you can judge all your judgementals but i’m stoked. and we’re going to go downtown and get drunk and party and we won’t have to worry about DD’s because we’ll have our bikes. fuck.
and almarie and i are going to become alcoholics. and i won’t be an ra anymore, and day drinking is going to happen, well, everyday. and so many parties and boys and camelbaks filled with straight tequila and gin and everything that makes us throw up and new dwaynes and just GODDAMNIT LIFE IN GENERAL. and just so many and’s.
also, brand new classes. i am always excited for brand new classes and new school supplies and so many black g-2 07 pens, more pens that you could ever imagine- a whole room full of pens (yolo).
and i take the mcat next spring. which is scary. but it’s also exciting- it’s the beginning of the next episode of life or whatever. it’s frightening and exciting and just everything is coming together.
just life right now guys. life.
fuck. my tears of happiness.
this is such an annoying post. sorry. yolo.